Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This One Is For You

So I thought of a word, seemingly out of the blue and didn’t want to use it in a sentence. I actually wanted to do it. I wanted to, rather I want to commandeer. I am not sure what I can commandeer but, I want to be successful at it when I do it. Allow me to clarify; what I want to do is “take possession of.” Not by force, which is not in my nature, but maybe I can use my charm. I do have some charming qualities and since what I really want, that is, what led me to have thought of the word at all, is someone’s heart. A heart I cannot have.

And now that I have written it, now that I am looking over my words, I am thinking that maybe I do not want to take possession of his heart after all. Maybe no one really can. Periodically, I tell myself that he wants what’s best for me but, deep down I know that he is as selfish as I am. Although he wants the best for me; he wants the best for me to be him. That would have been nice.

The messed up part of this is that I am still pretending, even now. I pretend that I am not still his when I know that I am. I even go out of my way to show an interest in others but my heart is not in it. I think they can tell, I certainly can and my act disgusts me a little. I feel like a fraud. But I will not always, I guarantee that. I know that love will find me, I will embrace it, and that brings a smile to my face.

Until then…. this song is for you, my forever love, because at the moment, all I desire is ...

“More of You”
and the saddest part of it all
...I can't even tell you.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Yes, Friday nights are better for me...

Every time I read this passage I marvel at how true this is to me. And I don’t even begin to compare my definition of “plenty” to anyone else’s. Nor do I compare my definition of “want” to anyone else’s. I just thank God that He is still keeping me and that He places people in my life at the exact moment that I need them even when I have yet to realize their importance.

This morning I had grand plans to get up at 6 in the morning and begin cleaning. It is 11:30 a.m. and I have thus far swept half of the kitchen floor. What time did I get up? Oh about 9 a.m. I’ve had breakfast, I’ve contemplated updating my facebook status, googled some books that I am interested in reading and well, swept half of the kitchen floor.

The fact is, I haven’t written in this blog in ages. Ha, you know in this digital age that four months can easily equate to “ages.” And I saw today’s bible verse and was inspired to thank God for giving me peace when I am in need and for keeping me humble when I have plenty. And can I tell you one more thing?? These ladies in this photo with me are plenty. Well, if you’ve met them then you know that but, if you have not… you are missing out on the best of me.

We went out recently and had a blast. The event was… well, let’s just say it will improve the next time around, I am sure. It had been so long since I had an opportunity to hang out with my best ladies that I didn’t care how sorry the event was. The only regret I have was that since I do not regularly hang out, I was too exhausted to go to church the next day. But boy, did we have fun. Don’t ask me what was so great about it. Don’t ask me what we talked about. Don’t even ask what was so funny, because we were laughing a lot. Just be happy that I am blessed to have such wonderful secret keepers in my life.

Alright, I have spoken my peace for the morning... it is almost noon and I have a kitchen to finish cleaning.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is great & greatly to be praised.

Oh yeah, the books…. Ok, I am going to pick-up the following on my next trip to Barnes & Noble:

And I may even get If I'm so Wonderful, why Am I Still Single? because I am pretty wonderful, gosh!