CRUSHED BUT NOT BROKEN

I watch BONES… habitually. If I miss it at its regularly programmed time then I catch it on the internet. Yesterday’s episode [1] was, I guess, their Christmas episode. I will not go into what happened because it is pretty irrelevant to this post. Here is what you need to know if you have never watched an episode of Bones before: Temperance Brennan, affectionately called Bones is partnered with Seeley Booth, a FBI agent. They solve the mysteries around found bones. Yes, usually the bones tie back to a crime but not always. Temperance is an extremely smart forensic anthropologist and always very literal. So when a character said of her late son “[he] wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Bones said, “He’s an exterminator by definition he hurts flies.” That is the kind of response you would expect from her… always. She is not known to be sympathetic nor emotional. So when she said that a situation was heart breaking I was a little surprised by her sentiment. However, Booth just said, “You know, when I say heartbreaking you say that the heart is a muscle so it can’t break. It can only get crushed.” Her response was… “isn’t it heart crushing?”

Well, my heart was crushed and I am still smiling. Of course I wasn’t smiling when my heart was crushed and then… the sunset... I know "His mercies are new every morning" but, I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it. It seems to me that “when going gets tough” it just gets tougher after the sun goes down. Everything around me was quiet while my thoughts were screaming at my crushed heart. I couldn’t make sense of it and I felt that I needed to make sense of what happened. Believe it or not but I wanted “closure.” I didn’t get the closure that I wanted. I got something better and I made it through my major crushed heart. You may argue with me but I think closure is for those who are still holding on and if I were truly letting go and moving on then I didn’t need confirmation from anyone to do it. And I am sure that I am not the only one with this surefire "how to make it through" plan however, my recipe for making it through is this…it is kinda simple but very effective and it can be used in every situation…a lot of Jesus, a few exceptional friends and good music.

So in that quiet moment when the tears streamed less and I stopped asking “why did he…” and I began to ask my God, “what am I to have learned from this?” I knew that there was nothing that could be said that would change the present situation. I knew that if I held on to Jesus the way He was holding on to me that I would walk away scathed but unharmed. Oh, I absolutely pounded out an e-mail to my best friend so that she could share in my outrage. I even tried convincing myself that I wasn’t angry. I stopped doing that too. Psalm 4:4 [2] says “In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.” With that said, if you are looking for malicious gossip you are reading the wrong blog. If you are looking for and angry man bashing piece that you can e-mail to your friends… again, wrong blog. If I want forgiveness, and trust me I am going to need forgiveness, I need to be able to forgive. The Lord finds a person “who stirs up dissension among brothers” detestable[3]. Dissension is an act of the sinful nature [4] and I am trying my best to spend eternity with Jesus.

Without giving you any details I want you to know that I forgave him and to be perfectly honest, I still love him. Please, I still love plenty of people who have hurt me. How can I not if I want to reflect the man whom I say I love… JESUS. And what happened had to happen (I am absolutely NOT telling you what happened) in order for me to grow and move on. I realize that now. I realize that when I think that I am losing out that I am actually creating a stronger bond and reliance on my Jesus and that it a good…no, that is a great thing.

I am an unabashed Christian who is fully aware that the only perfect person is He who sacrificed Himself for me, for us. I state that disclaimer for any saint who has issues with the music I listen to. If you recall I said that good music also helped me to cope with my crushed heart… some of the music was *gasp* secular. You cope your way & I’ll cope mine and we’ll leave the judgments to God, agreed?

So, thank you Jai, John Legend, Freddy Rodriguez, Avril Lavigne [5], Jazmine Sullivan, Chrisette Michele, and The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir.

Best friend: Thank you for the quotes, thank you for being who you are and most of all, thank you for introducing me to Jesus.

"Tu gracia es, Tu gracia es la fuente de ve libertad. Sólo Tu amor me cautivó. Tu voz me llama ven, ven, ven. Correré, por siempre correré así a Ti Señor. Tuyo es mi ser, por eso correré, por siempre correré así a Ti Señor. ¿A Dónde mas ir? Por siempre correré."
~ Correré/ Freddy Rodríguez

"Only Your grace, only Your grace, only You can set me free. Only Your love has captured my heart. I hear You calling come, come, come. So I will run, forever I will run unto You O God, now you have my heart so I will, I will run. Forever I will run unto You O God. Where else can I go? Forever I will run."
~I Will Run/ Freddy Rodriguez

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[1] “The Goop On the Girl” air date 12/10/09 – Season 5 episode 10
[2] Also see Ephesians 4:26
[3] Proverbs 6:16-20
[4] Galatians 5:19-21
[5] Keep Holding On – “You’re not alone, together we’ll stand. I’ll be by your side you know I’ll take your hand. When it gets cold and it feels like the end, there’s no place to go you know I won’t give in…no, I won’t give in. // Keep holding on ‘cause you know we’ll make it through… we’ll make it through. Just stay strong cause you know I’m here for you…I’m here for you. There’s nothing you can say (nothing you can say), nothing you can do (nothing you can do) there’s no other way when it comes to the truth. So, keep holdin’ on ‘cause you know we’ll make it through…make it through.”