Fast Five... Fast Track

I have begun running again. I first did this C25K (couch to 5K) program with my brother-in-law right after I graduated. I had to get myself accustomed to waking up early since I was no longer in school. Gone were the days of completing homework late into the evening and waking up around noon for night classes. My new job, searching for work, was going to require me to be awake during normal work hours. The C25K program is designed to train the body, gradually, to running 3 miles when that body once enjoyed sitting on the couch as its recreational activity.

And I have to be honest, I kinda finished the program. It got cold out and I wasn't as bad-ass as I am now; you know; inclined to running in the rain, cold, etc. At the very least, I was dedicated to it and would rarely miss my scheduled run... unless it was raining of course. Then the temperature dropped. Following that I began working. Temporary assignments at first and then permanent employment. Sufficed to say, I had not mastered running and working. So, I stopped working out all together. No swimming, no running, nada outside of work, church & home.

I beat myself up about that but, not too much and then I couldn't take it anymore. I started the program again with a group called Black Girls Run and completed it. I even did a "graduation" run; the Percy Sutton 5K and it was brutal, to me. The first mile was practically all uphill.

I kept running after that. In fact I have to get a run in today (Saturday). My BGR leader and I continued to run together once a week and then she up and decided to run 5 miles with Teams in Training. She signed up for the Fast Track in which she commits to raise $500 for life saving cancer research therapies, in general. More specifically, raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Training is on Wednesday and we ran on Tuesday's. So, I had a choice... run solo or join the cause and continue running once a week with my BGR soror without requiring her to run two consecutive days.

I talked it over with my more athletic friends, who of course did not tell me "are you crazy?!" and now I find myself here.... soliciting money for LLS and training to run a 5-mile race. A race I kept calling "Fast Five." I guess the action movie junkie in me seems to associate fast with furious. Anyway, the good news...BGR has taught me "your race, your pace." so I am not trying to beat a specific time... I am just trying to complete the run. The bad news... well, I guess there really isn't any unless you have been diagnosed with Leukemia.

So, if you can, I would appreciate it if you would make a donation through my page as I take on this Fast Five challenge. Thanks.

I could fall in love with you....

I could fall in love with you exactly as you are. I can do it today because I am equipped to do so. God has given me drive, determination & a generous heart that is happiest when caring for others but, would I be in love with you... or just the idea of being in love?

The last guy I dated... Hmph, could I call it dated? Not too sure I should. Anyway, in my opinion, the last guy I dated was more in love with the idea of dating, by which I mean... he was in love with the idea of dating me and less committed to the concept of loving me and all that loving me entailed. To be sure, I am vain but I do not make this statement out of conceit. He dated... he's dating now... he just didn't date me. Maybe he thought with our history (we’ve known each other for years… I mean YEARS) he didn’t have to date me.

There was a fairy tale in our story & I wasn't cooperating. I had the princess part down but, in his eyes I think that is all I had. Personally, I did not want to skip steps in our courtship. I wanted to be head over heels in love with him for every reason imaginable... I - I - I... I wanted to not be infatuated but adored. Notice all the "I"s? We wanted different things. We called it off. I am not sure that the calling off of that aspect of our relationship was mutual. Things are awkward now between us. We are making progress to get somewhere close to the intimacy and familiarity we once had but, sometimes it's exhausting; especially when I felt as if I was the only one trying to get back what we once had. 

So, with the wise counsel of my Ace I have decided that I am going to be unapologetically me because as Steve Maraboli so eloquently said, “There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” (she e-mailed that quote to me J thanks Ace). And I am also going to stop trying to get what we had and see if we can just get something new.

Oh, and the reason I said that he wasn’t committed to me is that the woman he is dating is the one woman to whom he should have lost communications with when we were a bourgeoning couple. Clearly, he did not and that speaks volumes to how honest he was with me. Thing is, I had not given up on us; I just thought it wasn't yet our time. He's made it obvious for me that we will never share the same last name. (Thank you for that love-bug) Whelp, as an old friend used to say (incorrectly too… it was hilarious) bygone...

I choose to let bygones be bygones.

Now, back to you… you are loveable. You are caring, a protector, giving and funny. I gave you credit for half of that when we first met and I apologize for not being patient with you, I apologize for judging you, I thank you for helping me learn something about myself that I wouldn't have otherwise. Let’s make a deal… you let my feelings for you evolve on their own and I’ll try to be less wicked. I do not need to know what comes next. I once thought that I did. So, I will do as you said and let the past remain there and I will let you spoil me… I mean… if that’s what you want.